Dr. Samara Susan Ryce
The last time I posted on this blog, we were in the middle of the pandemic. It was November 2020, and it was only the second time I wrote that year. The pandemic, my job at the time, and parenting, took every thing out of me. All the energy I could muster went into the demands of work, whatever little self care I could manage, therapy, managing the fears of my children about Covid-19, and dealing with the disruption of their schooling. That year was hard as hell.
2020 marked five years since my divorce and by that time, I had dated somewhat. So much of the process annoyed me though. I found that I was really wired to be a wife, but dating was a completely different game. To date required a little more gangsta that I had in me originally. It required thicker skin and unflinching resolve about who I was and what I wanted. And the pickens were slim here in Atlanta. There was some of everybody in this city. Men in their 40s with no ambition. Men fresh out of relationships with no direction. Intelligent men. Talented men. Accomplished men. Men who were on my level and men who could never. I even remember one man talking about aliens as we met for coffee at Starbucks. I remember thinking to myself, "Got to be more careful" as I politely plotted my exit. It was quite the scene.
One of the biggest lessons I learned during my time of dating for sport was that that I had to define myself and know myself. I had to find my own happy. I had to build the life I wanted. I had to really love myself. I was worth it. I didn't need anyone else to tell me I'm beautiful. I already know that. I really didn't need anyone to tell me that I'm smart. I know that. I started treating myself like how I wanted someone else to treat me. I took myself out. I bought myself flowers. I scheduled massages and facials. I bought myself beautiful things. I began being gentle with myself and forgiving with myself. I told myself the truth.
I communicated and enforced boundaries. I cut off people who were abusive or harmful to me. And I got stronger.
I met someone during that time of growth who taught me a lot about the value of friendship within relationships. As I reflect, it was the first time I really felt seen within a relationship. It was because there was honesty there and transparency there that I didn't know was possible for me. It wasn't perfect, but that short season that person was in my life was needed. I ended that relationship on good terms after about a year, knowing that I was ready to bet on myself and the future I believed I deserved.
As soon as I chose myself, God responded. As soon as I was ok being alone, things shifted. 2022 has been a year of beautiful surprises. Not just because I met an incredible human who makes me blush, and who is fine as hell. Not just because our relationship is easy and fun and supportive. Not only because of our incredible trust and respect for each other, but because of the change that happened in me. I stopped doubting myself. I stopped accepting less than I deserved. I walked in my greatness. I took risks. I started challenging myself in my personal and professional life. I started having hard conversations. I started surrendering deeply to the process of becoming who I was designed to be. And do you know what I discovered? I discovered that no one could do for me what I could do for me. I am the love of my life. The love I had been waiting for had always been here in me all along. When I finally got it, my life responded too. That's the secret.
The last three years took so many of us out. Its time for us to live again. I hope we we all find the love we deeply need this year. May it begin and end with us. May you all be healthy and fulfilled in your soul, and may the people who walk alongside you on this journey bring you goodness and joy.
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