I recently heard someone say that perfection is useless. I couldn't agree more. Seeking perfection is useless and foolish and stressful and unwise. But we seek it desperately as a culture. We set the bar at perfection and when we fail to measure up, we get disappointed and depressed. We lie on social media about our lives and ache inside trying to be what we aren't and can never be. So why do so many of us drive ourselves crazy trying to be and do and look perfect?
Whenever I'm out with my children someone usually comes up to me and asks me if "ALL" of the kids are mine. (Really? It's just three). I try to act gracious as I confirm that they are indeed all mine. What usually comes after is the comment, "I don't know how you do...". To tell the truth, neither do I. But I don't see it as having a choice. I must do. For them and for myself. I have to give God a report one day of what I did with the children he loaned to me.
In my own strength I have no idea how I wake up every morning at 4:30, get kids ready for school and head off to work by 6am. But I do. I don't know how I drive to a job across town and work with students all day, only to come home and be mommy until bedtime, but I do. I have no idea how I have parented my three very different children without a co-parent, but I do. I do it all, but the way I do it is far from perfect, and I am finally comfortable in that space.
So, yes, I strive to cook everyday, but these kids will get Little Caesars about once a week. Yes I believe in reading every night to kids, but maybe tonight is not the night. Yes, someone may make it to bed without brushing their teeth, or the laundry basket may run over, or I may forget to sign a note from the teacher. I may not say the right thing at the right time and have to later go back and apologize to my children. But I figure that as long as I am focused on my goal and I am deliberate about my dependence on God, then all of my imperfections will come together beautifully.
I am parenting a gentle, intelligent, yet stubborn teenager, who loves basketball and hates to practice his saxophone. He is the most torn because he had the most experience with his father and I being married. I am learning that love wins when I parent him. I am parenting a child with high functioning autism who has come a long way in his development. He loves schedules, basketball and practicing his trumpet. He finds it hard to get along with his little sister. (Imagine the backseat squabbles those two get into) I am learning gratefulness when I parent him. I am parenting a 5 year old daughter who is the one we all prayed for. She is a tornado and wears me out daily. She is musical and mischievous, delightful and exhausting. She is the tyrant of the house and she is in many ways my mini me. I am learning patience when I parent her.
When I see the pictures I take of them, the pictures don't show the sleepless nights, sick days, homework sessions, prayer, discipline, tears, laughter or victories. They are just moments in time. So I will try my best, not to expect perfection, as photos can sometimes suggest. I will, rather, practice love, gratefulness and patience and ask God to make up for all of my deficits.
I am over trying to impress people. But I want to please God. So I'm embracing every imperfection in my character, parenting, voice, cognitive function and relationship with God and betting it all on what God said He could do with someone as imperfect as me. I'm willing to bet that He can take me and do more than I could even ask or think.