I shared this post on my Facebook page, and I decided to share it again here. Many of us single mommas are either directly dealing with this because of our relationship with our fathers, or we find that we are raising children who will have to process and work through complicated relationships with their fathers. My heart is with you. This is for you.
For girls who stay painfully silent on Father's Day:
I often write posts that are deep and transparent. I always say it's because I know the power of truth. It is healing and life-changing. Truth is soothing and raw. Calming and fiery. And as delicate as it is, it can make you stronger than you ever imagined.
There is a real pain that some of us know. Rarely do we talk about it. We just leave it there. In the middle of the room. We walk around it, and every now and then we bump into it. But, every year, on Father's day, we are confronted with it. Our relationship with our fathers. Or lack of relationship with our fathers. We see the posts online. The "greatest dad ever" posts. The "hero" posts. The "best friend" posts. And we sit and wonder what that must be like.We secretly long for that, knowing that we have come to the point in our journey where that is either impossible or highly improbable. We are the ones who would like to honor and would like to praise dad, but for whatever reason, we must remain silent. To protect our hearts. To not bust it all wide open and tell the other side of the testimony.
For girls, forgotten or abused, misunderstood or underappreciated. For the ones trampled or misguided, raised but un-nurtured. For the ones whose fathers left physically or emotionally, and for the ones who dare not utter a word. You can still love. Even if it is from afar. You can still make peace. There is still a place of honor for him. Find it. Go there. You are here and that contribution alone is enough to give thanks.
Oftentimes people, especially family members, will ask you to accept less than in an effort to keep the peace. We do this a lot in our communities. We smile and act like all is well. Then we pass on our pain to the next generation as our emotional wounds fester. We never get healing and we never face our fears. We never say no and we never stand up for ourselves. Then we battle all of these manifestations of father hunger all our lives. What if we turned and stared this fear in the face? What if we chose to enforce our boundaries while still praying and holding love in our hearts? Carefully refusing to allow bitterness and hatred to win?
Then we will win. It may not look like what we imagined. it may not look like the beautiful fathers day posts everyone else is posting. But you will have healing, hope, love, and peace. Life is unpredictable and pain is real, but so is God. For whatever reason, he has entrusted you with this burden. Carry it gracefully and with faith.